Thanksgiving Deployed Military Tribute: The True Cost of Service

By Tony Grayson, Tech Executive (ex-SVP Oracle, AWS, Meta) & Former Nuclear Submarine Commander

Published: November 27, 2025 | Last Updated: December 22, 2025

Thanksgiving on the bridge. Cold, grey, and miles from home—the reality of standing the watch while the world celebrates.

TL;DR — Key Takeaways

• Peace is not accidental. It is actively maintained by service members standing watch around the world while others gather with family.

• The Silent Service pays a unique price. Submarines can go months with zero communication home. Families receive no word until homecoming—sometimes months after bereavements.

• Military families sacrifice too. Spouses become both parents, manage alone, and create holiday memories while quietly carrying fear and anxiety. Their sacrifice is silent but no less profound.

• You can help. Support the USO, adopt a military family, or simply remember those who can't be home. Gratitude matters.

I recently stumbled across a photograph of myself, taken during a Thanksgiving underway years ago. Looking at it, I remember the feeling of that specific silence—the kind you only experience when you are thousands of miles away from the people you love on a day set aside for being with them. That distance is what teaches you the true value of the chair you’re sitting in today.

Happy Thanksgiving.

As we get older, the holidays shift. They are less about the excitement of gifts and more about the weight of time. Since losing my mother, the finite nature of time stopped being a concept and started being a reality. The most important part of the Thanksgiving table isn’t the food; it is the people sitting in the chairs. This realization forces you to cherish the chaos, the laughter, and even the arguments with a new level of intensity. This theme of reflection is a core part of the discussions you can find on my personal platform, The Control Room.

But as we sit down to enjoy this time with the families we cherish, I want to offer a heartfelt Thanksgiving Deployed Military Tribute to the personnel who aren't at a table at all today.

The Price of Peace: A Veteran Leadership Cost of Service

It is easy to forget, amidst the comfort of our living rooms, that our peace is not the default setting of the world. It is a manufactured state. From a Veteran Leadership Cost of Service perspective, I know that peace is maintained, actively and aggressively, by men and women who volunteered to stand between us and the chaos.

Right now, as you are carving the turkey:

• There is a soldier eating an MRE in a cold outpost.

• There is a submarine sailor submerged hundreds of feet underwater, missing the sun and their children.

• There is a pilot sitting near an alert aircraft, ready to launch at a moment's notice.

They are tired. They are lonely. And they are risking their lives specifically so that we can have the luxury of spending time with our families. This is the real Cost of Service that is often overlooked once the holidays roll around.

Honoring the Military Family Sacrifice

We must also remember the other side of that coin: the Military Family Sacrifice. For every empty chair at a military mess hall overseas, there is a corresponding empty chair at a dinner table here at home.

There are spouses carrying the weight of the entire household alone today, creating holiday magic for their children while quietly managing their own fears. There are mothers and fathers whose only wish for Thanksgiving is a simple text message saying, 'I'm safe.' Their sacrifice is silent, but no less profound.

As we enjoy the fruits of our freedom today, let us not forget the roots of it. I am reminded of the powerful perspective captured by G.K. Chesterton: "A true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him but because he loves what is behind him."

So, this Thanksgiving, by all means, enjoy the food. Watch the game. Hug your family a little tighter, knowing how precious that time is. But before you take that first bite, take a moment of silence for the ones standing the watch.

To those deployed: We are safe because you are there. To the families missing them: We are grateful for what you endure.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Who is Tony Grayson?

Tony Grayson is President & General Manager of Northstar Enterprise + Defense, former Commanding Officer of USS Providence (SSN-719), and recipient of the Vice Admiral James Bond Stockdale Award. He served 21 years in the U.S. Navy submarine force and is Veterans Chair for Infrastructure Masons.

What is the primary purpose of a Thanksgiving Deployed Military Tribute?

The primary purpose is to acknowledge and honor the ongoing sacrifice of military personnel who are separated from their families and deployed overseas or away from home to ensure the safety and freedom of others during the holiday. It reminds civilians that peace and comfort are not accidental—they are actively maintained by service members standing watch around the world while others gather with family.

What is the Cost of Service from a veteran leadership perspective?

From a Veteran Leadership Cost of Service perspective, it means recognizing that peace and comfort are not accidental but are actively maintained. The cost is the emotional and physical burden shouldered by military members and their families, including the loss of holidays and time with loved ones. Service members miss birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, and even the birth of children or the death of family members. The true cost extends beyond the service member to encompass entire families who sacrifice together. For more on leadership principles from military service, see Moral Courage in Leadership.

What is the Military Family Sacrifice?

The Military Family Sacrifice refers to the quiet endurance of spouses, children, and parents who manage the home front alone, create holiday memories without their loved one, and manage constant anxiety and fear for the service member's safety. Military families experience repeated separations—spouses become both parents, handle household emergencies alone, and maintain family stability through deployment after deployment. Their only holiday wish is often a simple message saying "I'm safe." Their sacrifice is silent but no less profound than that of the deployed service member.

What is it like to be deployed on Thanksgiving?

Being deployed on Thanksgiving means experiencing a specific kind of silence—thousands of miles away from loved ones on a day set aside for being with them. Service members may eat MREs in cold outposts, stand watch submerged hundreds of feet underwater, or sit alert near aircraft ready to launch. Military dining facilities operate for days to prepare special Thanksgiving meals, and senior leaders traditionally serve junior personnel. Fellow service members become a temporary family, sharing the experience together. The distance teaches you the true value of the chair you're missing at home.

How do military families cope with deployment during holidays?

Military families cope by shouldering the entire household alone, creating holiday magic for children while quietly managing their own fears. They develop new traditions, connect via video calls when possible, send care packages, and lean on military community support networks like the USO. Extended family members step in to fill gaps. Many families create photo books, schedule virtual meals together, and find ways to include deployed members in celebrations. Organizations provide holiday meals, toy drives, and support programs. Military OneSource offers comprehensive resources for families navigating deployment.

What does "standing the watch" mean in the military?

Standing the watch is a naval tradition meaning to maintain vigilance and readiness at all times. For over 239 years, the Navy has stood the watch—protecting freedom while separated from families. When USS Constitution first set sail in 1798, she established a tradition that endures today. As General James Mattis noted: "The freedoms we enjoy, the freedoms we celebrate at Christmastime, are not free. They come with a heavy responsibility borne by those who stand the watch, often far from home and family." It represents a continuous, around-the-clock commitment ensuring our peace is maintained.

Why is the submarine force called the "Silent Service"?

The submarine force is called the "Silent Service" because submarines operate covertly, unknown to the enemy, and are physically designed to be acoustically silent. Submarines can submerge more than 600 feet below the ocean's surface for up to four months at a time, constantly patrolling and working classified missions. Communication with family is extremely limited—sometimes completely nonexistent for months. Families may receive no communication until homecoming. The Naval History and Heritage Command documents that submariners can miss birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, graduations—even the birth of a child or the death of a family member.

How many U.S. troops are deployed during the holidays?

Approximately 1.3 million personnel serve on active duty, with roughly one-third of the Navy (over 100,000 sailors and Marines) deployed at any given time. Service members serve on all seven continents and in more than 170 countries. They are joined by almost 20,000 National Guard members serving alongside active duty forces, plus thousands more supporting domestic emergencies. From the Persian Gulf to the Gulf of Mexico, from forward operating bases to submarines deep beneath the waves, hundreds of thousands of military personnel will spend holidays away from home.

What communication do submarine families have during deployment?

Submarine family communication is extremely limited. While submerged, submariners have minimal or no contact with loved ones—no phone calls, letters, or real-time communication for months. The primary form of communication is brief email, which is reviewed by multiple people for content. Families can send approximately 120 words per week via "familygram," but anything upsetting is removed to maintain morale. Some families receive no communication back until homecoming, sometimes months after significant life events like bereavements have occurred. Days or weeks can pass without a single message—there's a reason they're called the Silent Service.

What Thanksgiving traditions exist in the military?

Military Thanksgiving traditions include senior leaders serving meals to junior enlisted personnel—a custom demonstrating humility and shared purpose. Dining facilities transform into warm, welcoming spaces with turkey, traditional fixings, and decorations. Military cooks (called "spoons") spend days preparing special meals, sometimes creating amateur ice sculptures with unit logos. Since World War I, auxiliary organizations like the USO, Red Cross, and YMCA have helped provide Thanksgiving dinners. The tradition of a formal holiday meal has continued from Valley Forge through every American conflict.

How can civilians support deployed military during holidays?

Civilians can support deployed military during holidays by: sending care packages and digital gift cards; donating to organizations like the USO that provide holiday meals and programs; participating in "Adopt a Military Family" programs; supporting military family assistance organizations; volunteering at local military support events; simply acknowledging and thanking service members and their families. Many organizations provide holiday food baskets, toy drives, and assistance programs. The most meaningful gesture is often simply remembering those who can't be home and expressing genuine gratitude for their service.

What support organizations help military families during holidays?

Key support organizations include: the USO (United Service Organizations), which hosts holiday events, provides care packages, and offers programs like "Holiday Holdover" for service members who can't go home; Military OneSource, offering resources for deployment readiness and family support; Operation Homefront and Blue Star Families providing holiday assistance; local VFW posts and American Legion chapters organizing community support; military chaplains and Family Readiness Groups on bases. These organizations help bridge the gap through meal programs, gift drives, video connection events, and emotional support services.

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Tony Grayson is a recognized Top 10 Data Center Influencer, a successful entrepreneur, and the President & General Manager of Northstar Enterprise + Defense.

A former U.S. Navy Submarine Commander and recipient of the prestigious VADM Stockdale Award, Tony is a leading authority on the convergence of nuclear energy, AI infrastructure, and national defense. His career is defined by building at scale: he led global infrastructure strategy as a Senior Vice President for AWS, Meta, and Oracle before founding and selling a top-10 modular data center company.

Today, he leads strategy and execution for critical defense programs and AI infrastructure, building AI factories and cloud regions that survive contact with reality.

Read more at: tonygraysonvet.com